Te Te's Emancipation

"The desire for gold is not for gold. It is for the means of freedom and benefit." -Waldo Ralph Emerson

I used to like this boy soooo much. I mean like, obsessively a lot. He had a girl…and a side chick. But he used to sit real close to me on the bleachers in gym class. He used to lean on me, but we never spoke. Did we have to? I wondered if he really liked me. I still wonder. I used to want him to be my first… I saw him on the bus since then. He stared at me and I stared back. We never said shit. I wonder if I saw him now would I still want him like that. I wouldn’t want to. He made me feel weak as fuck, in a good and bad way. I should be glad I never got him. He made his gf weak, too. I was better than him and all his bullshit. Still am. I mean, I’m not no “bad bitch,” but I know my worth. He was a fine ass dude! I was not worthy of his looks. But the stress being with him would’ve brought to my life 😩 I wouldn’t have needed it. He wasn’t worthy of all the real parts of me, all of the parts that matter. I’m glad it never worked out.

I was not the only one to you. So I was the only lonely one.

—Jhene Aiko, Comfort Inn Ending