Two instances: A lady at work that doesn’t like me. She’s a drunk and she thinks I want her man. I have no respect for her.
A man at work. A funny man. The type of man that I hated in school. He drinks and gets belligerent. He thinks I’m “ugly,” unappealing. I reciprocate the feeling every time he opens his mouth.
So I’m working real fast and real hard. Trying to get everything done quickly and correctly. About a third of the way in, my body starts hurting, my calves are on fire, so I slow down because I’m not trying to kill myself for any amount of money. Especially a small amount. But then she walks into the room and I feel the immediate need to step my game up. Despite the sweat and heavy breathing. I leave the room for a second to get more of what I need because I’m on a roll now. Then on the walk I think about how she doesn’t like me. How she’s a drunk bitch that could never work as hard as me. Even with her small frame. Even with the extra help she receives from various men that are all trying to fuck. I slow down, I catch my breath, and then I start breathing.
I’m sitting in his presence quietly so that nothing I say gets twisted into something retarded or stupid. After all, you can’t twist my silence into made up phrases for your “audience’s” pleasure. You pass me to the next person on made up sexual scenarios. Good thing, too, because I almost lost my lunch. You tease and point and laugh. And I work and run. And I laugh. At everyone but you, which I know must hurt your pride. I used to be a part of your audience. No scalping my tickets, I paid at the window and had front row seats. Until I realized how that spotlight was on me the whole time. And risking it all, right in the middle of your show with me in the front row, subject to ridicule, I stand up and walk out. And the laughter stops.
Why am I writing this? Because I find it interesting how I modify myself for people I don’t have respect for. For people who depend on me for their shows to go on. I mean, if they didn’t hate me, who would they bond with? If I wasn’t shining like a diamond in the front row, how would the light reflect off of me and bounce onto them? I make myself so damn easy to love and I get rejected. So why change for people who already have their minds made up about you? I’m done trying to impress people that I’m not impressed by.
There’s nothing not to love about me. I’m lovely. 😆
Oh and by the way, I ignored the guy today. Didn’t laugh at any of his jokes or even look in his direction. And he stared at me ALL NIGHT. But I’m “ugly.”
Sources: Inspired by Beyonce.
Song: Why don’t you love me?
Why did I chose this title? Because I did MAKE MYSELF easy to love, and I shouldn’t even have to try.
A man is what he does. Not what he says.
It’s only 10 o’clock?!?! I’ve been in bed for like 3 hours!!!
why test on animals when there are prisons full of rapists
because the prisons aren’t actually full of rapists
the rapists run free and the prisons are full of people charged with weed possession